London, what's going on in Tesco?

"Just doing my weekly shop" I say to the cashier, with my trademark shit-eating grin, as she scanned through two packets of reduced ham, a bottle of sparkling rose, and the poor man's Champers- Asti Spumante. She laughed politely. She asked whether I have anything special planned- I told her that tonight I'm pouring two bottles of fizz down my gullet and watching fillums with the Missus, and that we're going to do our St Valentine's Day treat (probably dinner someplace nice with a coupon) on any other day other than St Valentine's Day. She then told me that I was very clever and I agreed. She smiled politely again.

On my way out an old Jamaican man was talking to some teenagers who were huddled around him in awe, blocking the only exit out of the shop. Luckily I didn't have my earphones on as what I heard when I was squeezing through was: "I ain't gonna worship no man that eats fish like an apple. No way. I ain't gonna worship no bum like that". I have literally no idea what that was about, where it came from, or why he was saying it to young teenagers, but I absolutely fell in love with it. That's a philosophy I can get behind.

Not an apple; don't even try it.

London, you're doing it right!

Then it rained and I got wet. But that's okay because it's St Valentine's Day.